I actually got out of the house last night, by myself, to go to dinner with a bunch of our friends for Melissa's birthday. I had a really nice time talking to everyone and felt "normal" again for a little while. It was a beautiful night and we sat out on the porch at a Mexican restaurant. Pretty much my absolute favorite way to spend an evening - at least it used to be. But, then I realized on the way home, that my "normal" is much different than it used to be. Now my normal is feeding a baby every couple of hours, changing her diapers, playing with her on the floor, walking around the house bouncing her trying to calm her down, and looking like an idiot in Target because I'll do anything to keep her from crying. Then I realized that I really love this new normal. Now my favorite way to spend an evening is playing with her on her changing table and helping Judd put her to bed. I do get frustrated every day thinking about how independent I used to be and now I have this little 12 lb person that is so very dependent of me -but then she flashes me a smile like this one, and I just don't really care about anything else in the world but her.
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