Saturday, October 18

Chapter Finished - Breastfeeding

When Charlotte was 8 months old, I decided that would be my last breastfeeding session with her. I was ready to have myself back. I was ready to not have someone physically dependent on me, something I've had now for 18 months. I wanted to be able to take cold medicine without reading all of the labels. I wanted to be able to work a full day and not have to worry about if meetings would interfere with a pumping session.

On that night, I gave her a bath, dressed her in pajamas, closed the door, pulled her quietly into my lap, and nursed her for the last time. Since then, I gradually decreased pumping sessions until 2 weeks ago I stopped all together. Last week she used the last of the frozen supply that I had stocked up. She has had 100% formula for a week.

All in all it has gone very smoothly. She transitioned well to formula. I have had some discomfort, but nothing too major. While I still feel a nagging sense of guilt for having stopped because I wanted to and not because she rejected it, I feel a wonderful sense of liberation. Judd and I went to the UGA game today and didn't have to think about when I was going to pump or where. I could just go. For the last two weeks I have walked into the office with just my computer and my purse, pump-less.

There is a feeling that has been lingering for a few days that I didn't expect. It is a feeling that is hard to describe. I'm not special anymore. I'm not pregnant expecting my first baby. I'm no longer a mother breastfeeding her infant. This chapter is finished and it hit me a little harder than I anticipated it would. We are beginning a new chapter, though, and I am sure it will be one filled with so many amazing things.

5 comments:

Sara said...

You did an incredible job right from the start. It never ceases to amaze me what a wonderful Mom you are. I am so proud of you. And, you are VERY, VERY special.

Drena said...

You did a great job so hold your head high and remember you will always be special to her whether you are breastfeeding or not!

David said...

Carrie,
I went through the same exact emotions. It's not really something that you can describe, but most bf moms know of it. It hit me hard as well- harder than I had anticipated, but the next chapter IS so wonderful and exciting and knowing that you gave Charlotte something SO VERY SPECIAL is a reward in itself!

David said...

The last 'David' post is from Wells Family (i don't know what David has done to the computer!)

Mike and Al said...

YOu are a fabulous mom! I only hope things come so natural for me as they did for you.

And I am laughing my butt off because I just read "david's commments about breastfeeding. I was thinking...wow, he's a real in-tune dad!