Chapter Finished - Breastfeeding

When Charlotte was 8 months old, I decided that would be my last breastfeeding session with her. I was ready to have myself back. I was ready to not have someone physically dependent on me, something I've had now for 18 months. I wanted to be able to take cold medicine without reading all of the labels. I wanted to be able to work a full day and not have to worry about if meetings would interfere with a pumping session.

On that night, I gave her a bath, dressed her in pajamas, closed the door, pulled her quietly into my lap, and nursed her for the last time. Since then, I gradually decreased pumping sessions until 2 weeks ago I stopped all together. Last week she used the last of the frozen supply that I had stocked up. She has had 100% formula for a week.

All in all it has gone very smoothly. She transitioned well to formula. I have had some discomfort, but nothing too major. While I still feel a nagging sense of guilt for having stopped because I wanted to and not because she rejected it, I feel a wonderful sense of liberation. Judd and I went to the UGA game today and didn't have to think about when I was going to pump or where. I could just go. For the last two weeks I have walked into the office with just my computer and my purse, pump-less.

There is a feeling that has been lingering for a few days that I didn't expect. It is a feeling that is hard to describe. I'm not special anymore. I'm not pregnant expecting my first baby. I'm no longer a mother breastfeeding her infant. This chapter is finished and it hit me a little harder than I anticipated it would. We are beginning a new chapter, though, and I am sure it will be one filled with so many amazing things.