Wednesday, July 29

Child of mine

I hear you cry. I open my eyes and look at the clock, it is 5 AM. There is a debate forming in my mind - do I get up and comfort you or do I let you learn to comfort yourself. It only takes a few minutes for my heart to win. I rub my eyes, get out of bed, and enter your room. You are standing in your crib by the door. You look up at me in the darkness with those eyes, then reach up with your little arms so that I will pick you up.

We sit down in the rocking chair. I am irritated that you woke me up. Don't you know that it is early? Don't you know that I have to go to work today? Why won't you just sleep? I am tense and frustrated.

I give you some water to drink. You drink it and then put your pacifier in your mouth. You look at me with sleepy eyes. Then you sigh and put your head on my chest. I can feel you relax and just lean into me. I can feel your little arms and hands wrapped around my middle.

I start to relax. We rock. I feel bad for being so frustrated with you. I feel guilt. There are so many people that would be grateful to have a happy, healthy, beautiful child to get up with at 5 AM. I need to remind myself of this.

Finally I lay you down in your crib and you fall back asleep. It is now 6am, so rather than crawl back in bed with your daddy, I get in the shower and get ready for work. On the way to work I think of you. There will be a time soon when you can't fit in my lap and let me rock you - you won't even want me to. It is then that I will look back on mornings like this one and smile.

I love you more than you will probably ever know.


Drena said...

That's kinda my thoughts on sleeping in the bed with me. I better enjoy it while I can b/c there will be a time when he will no longer want to cuddle with me.

Allison D said...

Whew, that was a sweet post. Way to make me tear up, Big C.

Natalie at Our Old Southern House said...

ok girl, that made me cry!
i go back to work next week and every morning when she wakes i go in and see her smiling up at me when she sees me. next week i won't be here to see it. i'm crying just thinking about it right now.